jealous
Posted by PJoyLynn , 3.23.2006 7:26 PM
i'm jealous all the time.
jealous of the skinny people who at 6am are halfway into their elliptical workout, with their skinny asses and legs running around in circles. like rabbits. jealousy so deep it feels like seething anger, but i know it's low self esteem. which is manifesting itself into a wee bit of self hatred because i'd much rather eat a bag of tortilla chips and jalapeno cheese dip while cuddled up under my down comforter in bed watching american idol than living that active lifestyle jenny craig preaches about.
jealous of the people who stay at the fairmount fancy fuck hotel across the street from my work. you know, those people who could just drop 5K on a couch for their cat's sitting room. those people who pass by me in the luxury cars with nummy leather seats with seat warmers and kick ass stereos. those people who could go to the spa every week for massages and pedicures and manicures and fruit fusion body wraps.
jealous of the people who update their blogs and who are connected to people in this online community.
jealous of my husband who stays home with our daughter, but know if I was the one home I'd be writing about how jealous I was because I wasn't the one working.
jealous of people who can go out for happy hour after work without missing out on their four hours of time allotted each day for their daughter.
jealous of people who travel and spend weeks in a foreign country. those people who have the freedom, the time, the money to see the world.
jealous of people who are doing what they love and not sitting a fucking gray cubicle looking at meaningless numbers listening to people saying "we're gonna go ahead and book amortization expense for these tax credit investments, but need you to develop a risk mitigation plan if the expense is booked in April instead of March". why was i in such a rush to be a finance major in college? add onto this one, jealous of people who received real coaching or mentoring in college and explored different options.
jealous of people who don't have credit card debt which is like a flesh eating virus to my self esteem that is slowing carving a big L into my forehead. aforementioned finance major.
jealous of people who have normal cats.
maybe i should stop reading US magazine and stop watching so much reality TV and stop reading silly romance novels. put garbage in, get garbage out. how does that saying go... could've, should've, would've. i make the decision to turn my attitude and self esteem around at least 3 times a week. the follow through is lacking.
grass is always green.
no matter which side your on.
i gots lots of good around me too.
sometimes the good for me myself and i is missing.
even i know i'm good.
just nutters.
i could be worse.
right?
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